Momento Vivere
by sync94
Summary: My little flower though drenched in blood, your petals still remain pure. Through the torments of life, no matter the rain no matter the storm. You are always still standing, even when you're torn. Oc story. OCX? Undecided.


It hurts….

It hurts….

"M-mommy," I smiled up to my mom who held a face of shock when I shield her from getting hit from the car. "Are y-you okay?"

I could feel the blood on my back seeping through my shirt from the impact of the glass onto my back.

I could hear the panic around me, the sirens, the yelling.. Everything...

"There are two women in this car!" I heard someone yell. "One has shield the other from the crash!"

Shut up... Just shut up... It's too noisy...

I could feel someone taking the shards of the glass off my back which I grit my teeth in pain.

Everything... Everything is getting numb.

"We're losing her!" someone shouted.

"D-don't leave me my little honoka," my mom cries out. Tears were running down her face and full of guilt.

Never in my 18 years have I ever seen my mom, the strict traditional Japanese woman, cry for me.

* * *

She was rarely proud of me and always compared myself to my other older sisters who were always beautiful and immensely gifted.

She always only cared about looks and not personality so she scolded me for not taking good care of my face and leaving my white hair, that I got from my dad, short and messy when she wanted it long and silky smooth.

And the thing she hates the most about me is my heterochromatic eyes.

My left eye was sky blue while my right eye was hazel.

It was something that I inherited from my grandma in my dad's side when I was born.

I was called a mistake by my mom, I looked like a mistake, but I was imperfect in her eyes.

My dad? He rarely around since they divorced but when he visits, but he buys us whatever we want and be gone.

Model parents aren't they?

And when he visits, my mom always begs him to stay, but it gets out of control.

My two older sisters were in the business and medical field having nice part-time jobs while they go to college in their respective fields.

Me? Well I was gifted in the music and art field, but my mom did not approve of me wanting to go to college to make video games.

Due to the lack of attention and love, I turned my back to video games, music, fantasy books, and most of all anime.

Yes, I'm an otaku, and I'm fucking proud of it.

Anime helped me get back on my feet from depression because they give me something to look forward to.

Music relieves my stress from my emotionally straining family.

Video games made me interested in wanting to pursue a career in making some because they seem like so much fun.

Fantasy books drew me in because I wanted to escape myself from the harsh reality.

I was bullied throughout my whole 18 years of life, but didn't do any drugs, any weed, or any alcohol.

Abused, abandoned, loneliness, betrayed, and unwanted. These emotions are the things that shaped me into who I am… a person who stands on the line of sanity and insanity. People look at me strange or in confusion not understanding how someone could be 'insane yet sane.' It is possible, anything is possible in this world whether we like it or not.

I became a hermit otaku who had her head in the clouds.

Underneath all the guarded walls and silver tongue that I have, my good friends, that I absolutely love, told me that I was one of the most caring people they ever met.

My friends, I love my friends as if they were my family.

I don't easily trust people, but these people, my friends were the ones who helped me, who helped me smile, who loved me who I truly am.

The ones who help me go through the insanity we call a world.

Iris, Kiki, Jeanie, Alice, I love you all.

I'm sorry I couldn't walk into the future with you all, but you guys better kick the world's ass for me.

* * *

Thinking about these thoughts made a lot of the burden lift of my shoulders.

Can I move on?

Is this what it means to die?

To look back from your past and be content with the things you did and move on.

"M-mommy," I choked out feeling the air leaving my lungs. "Can do y-you do something for me?"

"What is it?" she stroked my hair.

"C-Can you tell me you love me?" I coughed up a lot of blood. I didn't care if the words weren't real.

I just needed to hear it. The words I haven't heard since I was a child. I don't care if she doesn't mean it, I just need to hear it.

"Of course I love you my daughter," she voice shook as she said this with her tears raining down on my face. "My honoka, my Reiri."

"F-finally," I gave her a soft smile. "T-Tell everyone that I love them."

"Don't go Reiri!" she screamed.

"Momento vivere," I closed my eyes for the last time.

I felt the comforting darkness finally swallow me up.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**honoka: means melody in japanese **

**So what do you guys think of it so far? Of course it is a self-insert, but I'm going to try to make it not as Mary-sue as possible though keep in mind there are things that my character is good at and you all know there are things that people are good at so do not label as Mary-sue so quickly okay? **


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